Stop Doing This If You Want a Better Culture

Some organizations need to be convinced that culture is important, but the ones I work with already get it, and they spend a lot of time working on making it better. They craft flexible work policies. They put concrete examples of “collaboration,” “trust,” or “innovation” into every communication. They get concrete about supporting remote and hybrid work, because they know it’s the linchpin to attracting and retaining great talent.

Yet, for all those efforts, sometimes they don’t see that the culture is being radically shaped somewhere else: in the subtle, unspoken behaviors of organizational leaders—and in what the top is willing to tolerate when those behaviors quietly contradict what they’re trying to create inside the culture.

Let’s get specific. Imagine your organization’s strategy hinges on being a remote/hybrid destination, so you can pull in talent you’d never have reached under the old “commute or bust” model. The value proposition reads crystal clear: we welcome flexibility, and your career path doesn’t depend on how often you badge into the office.

But what happens next is all too common. A senior leader—let’s call her Maria—just “prefers” in-person collaboration. She subtly rewards those who show up at HQ. The meaty assignments, the spontaneous hallway chats, the fast-track visibility all seem to tilt toward the people who are physically present. If you’re remote or hybrid, you get a vague sense you’re always slightly on the outside, navigating unwritten penalties.

Yet no one calls Maria out on it. The company policy hasn’t changed. But everyone sees it—and everyone understands: what really matters (at least in Maria’s department) is office face time.

Here’s the problem: leaders think these small behavioral contradictions don’t have a real impact, that they’re just “preferences,” or that the broader cultural value is bigger than any one manager’s quirks. But in issues of cultural consistency, actions speak louder than words. The silent signals of what gets rewarded, overlooked, or quietly penalized are far more powerful than any “values statement” or policy.

Why Inconsistency at the Top is Culture’s Biggest Threat

I normally push back on conventional wisdom, but this quote I think is spot on: “Your culture is defined by the worst behavior leaders are willing to tolerate. Culture is made—and unmade—by the behaviors your senior people let slide.

When a leader loudly supports remote/hybrid work in a town hall, but then privately questions the productivity of anyone not visible in the office, that disconnect isn’t just a “mixed message”—it’s a cultural fracture. When the rest of the senior team notices these inconsistencies, shrugs, and moves on, those silent moments of tolerance shout volumes to everyone below them on the org chart. Now they know what’s REALLY valued, and it’s not what’s written in the culture slide deck they get during orientation.

It's like telling your spouse “of course it’s a great idea to do our beach vacation with your family,” and then spending the whole week at the bar or down on the beach fishing by yourself. Your spouse (and their family) get it. It’s the behaviors that drive the impact in these situations.

The Cost: Morale, Trust, and Retention (Not to Mention Growth)

The impact of this drag on your culture can be huge. First, it breeds cynicism—staff know the words are cheap, so they disengage or quietly look for roles elsewhere. Second, it breaks trust—if even the “culture champions” at the top don’t live the brand, why should anyone else? Finally, it cripples your competitive edge—your best people are going to leave when they were promised flexibility, but realize they need to commute 4 days a week if they want to advance.

Companies that get this right—ensuring leadership behavior matches culture commitments—see dramatically lower turnover, stronger engagement, and faster recovery from disruption. I’ve seen clients who regularly “audit” their senior team’s behaviors against their cultural promises sustain net promoter scores 10+ points above industry average, even through massive transitions.

What To Do Instead: Build Relentless Alignment—Starting at the Top

If you want to “stop killing your culture,” stop tolerating inconsistency among your leadership. Here are three practical steps to start making this real:

1. Schedule Regular Culture Alignment Conversations
Don’t let behavioral drift slide to the back burner. Put culture specifically on the agenda at senior team meetings—quarterly at minimum. Name the gap honestly: “Where are we, as leaders, falling out of step with the culture we say we want?” Get real about the “Marias” in the room, and address it together. It’s not about blame or mistakes. It’s about a commitment to building the right culture.

2. Hold Each Other Accountable—Peer to Peer
Don’t assume the CEO alone can or should enforce alignment; culture is a team sport at the top. Make a pact: if someone’s behavior quietly undercuts the culture, flag it respectfully, in real time. Left unaddressed, small lapses calcify fast.

3. Make Inconsistencies Explicit and Actionable
If you see a pattern—say, remote workers missing out on opportunities—document it, share actual data, and fix the process. For example: rotate high-visibility assignments intentionally, or track career progression by work modality to surface hidden disadvantage.

Culture drift is rarely a conscious plot. It’s falling into ruts—shaped by what leaders silently accept. The sooner you name it, the sooner you can fix it.

If you’re tired of seeing your culture slip, but not sure how to close the gap between your leaders’ words and actions, let’s talk. In addition to full culture change projects, I do individual coaching with leaders at all levels to help them ensure that the culture work is moving in the right direction.

Want to make your workplace worthy of the talent you want to attract? Stop tolerating inconsistency at the top. Start building relentless, real alignment—one behavior at a time.